At a glance
Media group (radio) · Executive committee, about 8 people · Two half-days, in preparation
The challenge: A warm culture where nobody dares to correct anyone any more. Appraisals are too generous and tolerated gaps become the norm.
Our approach: Start with the executive committee: draw the line (acceptable, to discuss, non-negotiable), then practise holding it.
Objective: Clear expectations, the same for everyone, realistic appraisals, and a committee that leads by example.
Kindness had swallowed high standards
The organisation lacked neither rules nor goodwill. It lacked words spoken out loud. To protect the relationship, managers stay silent, or say things halfway. Everyone believes they were clear; the other person heard nothing.
“Nobody dares to say anything to anybody any more.”
— HR manager, media group
The issue wasn’t remote working or working hours as such, but managers’ ability to uphold a framework, whatever it may be.
What the silence produced:
- Appraisal ratings that were too generous: nobody sticks their neck out at the very moment they should say what isn’t working.
- Underperformance never named, for fear of hurting, and therefore never corrected.
- Real difficulty saying no to a request that is impossible in the current organisation.
- New managers who inherit what has always been tolerated and don’t dare touch it.
- A day-to-day framework (hours, attendance at meetings, remote working) where tolerated deviations become the rule.
And a conviction shared with leadership: teams look upwards. The framework the executive committee upholds is the one they see.
“Kind and demanding”: clarify the line, then dare to hold it
Lead designed a short programme, reserved for the executive committee and worked on as a peer group. The principle: kindness and high standards at the same time, never one instead of the other. More than half the time is spent on practice, using the participants’ real situations.
Before: frame
- Scoping with HR: priority situations, existing rules, appraisal procedure.
- A preparation questionnaire sent three weeks ahead: a situation where you didn’t dare say things, what holds you back, what you need from the executive committee.
- An anonymous summary of the answers, and a selection of real situations for the role-plays.
Half-day 1: clarify where the line is
Intention: name the price of silence, and build together what is acceptable, open to discussion or non-negotiable.
- A conversation I’m avoiding: everyone starts from a real situation.
- The price of silence: not raising it is already tolerating it. What something left unsaid costs, for the team and for yourself.
- The kindness × standards matrix: where I naturally sit, where I slide under pressure.
- The executive committee grid, the heart of the session: three columns (acceptable, open to discussion, non-negotiable) and a shared rule on how many signals come before a real conversation.
- Six-step corrective feedback and OSA preparation (objective, strategy, anticipation) of a conversation to hold during the week.
In between: try it
One week to hold your real conversation, or at least send a first signal, and note what happened.
Half-day 2: dare, through role-play
Intention: do it, not just understand it.
- Debrief: what worked, what got stuck.
- Holding firm against resistance: denial, excuses, attack, playing the victim, minimising, false agreement. And knowing how to say no without ambiguity.
- Role-plays on the committee’s own cases: corrective feedback, refusal, underperformance, with an optional professional actor.
- The honest appraisal: a fair rating is simply the result of the year’s conversations, and should never come as a surprise.
- A four-step escalation (flag, conversation, in writing, consequence) and a feedback ritual throughout the year.
- Collective commitments from the executive committee and an individual 30-day roadmap.
The signature method: the executive committee grid
Each member writes down concrete situations, one per sticky note, then the committee sorts them together: acceptable, open to discussion, non-negotiable. When two members place the same situation differently, we stop: that is exactly what their teams experience.
The line comes neither from Lead nor from HR. It is drawn by the committee itself, in observable sentences, then paired with a shared rule: how many informal signals before a real conversation. The same answer for everyone.
Optional: a professional actor
Nobody plays their colleague. Briefed on the real cases, the actor puts up the real resistance, replays the scene until the message gets through, then says what they felt on the other side of the table. Feedback you never get in everyday life.
A shared framework, written by those who have to uphold it
- The executive committee grid (acceptable, open to discussion, non-negotiable), tidied up and sent back after the session.
- Three to five non-negotiables phrased as observable sentences, and a shared rule on the number of signals.
- The executive committee’s collective commitments.
- An individual 30-day roadmap (I stop, I start, I develop), with an anti-cosmetic test.
- An OSA preparation sheet, an observation grid and a ten-rule memo card.
- A summary for HR, with no names.
We say things, and the relationship holds
The sessions are being prepared. The programme aims for the executive committee to set the tone and lead by example, before any step is taken with the other managers. In practice, it aims for:
- clear, stated expectations, the same for everyone;
- appraisals that reflect reality, prepared by candid feedback throughout the year;
- committee members who feel legitimate to correct and to say no;
- a shared escalation path that avoids both prolonged silence and an abrupt jump to sanctions;
- a committee whose members also say things to each other.
Concrete work, on your cases, with those who set the tone
- A clear conviction: kindness and high standards are not opposites; together they make the framework fair.
- Work on participants’ real situations, gathered beforehand, not on textbook cases.
- Proven tools that are simple to reuse: kindness × standards matrix, OSA, six-step corrective feedback, escalation path, 30-day roadmap.
- A format built for practice: we rehearse, we replay, and we leave with a conversation already held.
In your organisation, how many things are tolerated because nobody said them?
If your leaders want to rediscover plain speaking without damaging relationships, we can design a programme based on your real situations. Let’s talk.
